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mandirigma44
This is the year I make my mark, in 2012 I WILL make my mark! |
| Location |
IL |
| Age |
38 |
| Gender |
Male |
| Interests |
family time, church, MMA and boxing, both participating and watching |
| Smoke? |
I do not smoke |
| Drink? |
I occassionally drink |
| Education |
Graduated college / 2-year / AA |
| Favorite movies |
The Outsiders, Scarface, Raging Bull, Vision Quest... too many to list |
| Favorite music |
Switchfoot, Matt Maher, Staind, Foo Fighters, Dropkick Murphy's, too many |
I'll write more later, i need to get working out while the wife and baby boy are sleeping.
Me in a nutshell:
About Me? What's there to say, I guess I'm a fairly average guy, but different in many ways at the same time. Grew up in the Midwest, eastern Iowa in a medium size working class town on the Mississippi river, Clinton IA. I guess back in the day it was known to have the most millionaires per capita in the lumbermill times but not anymore. Mostly factory workers and construction folks.
I guess growing up I was a smallish kid, wirey build. My dad was a big guy and my mom is from the Philippines so she's tiny. Being a little smaller most my childhood I was kind of picked on until I developed a fiery attitude, you know it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Anyhow I was a bit of a shy kid, felt different, always wanted to be big. I was always fast, had the quick twitch muscles back then, but I wanted to be thick. Around middle school I started lifting weights, maybe a bit earlier than should have , mostly concentrating on arms because everyone wants big guns and my back because I was a huge Bruce Lee fan and envied his v-taper lats. I never really got all that massive through High school, graduated weighing between 155-160 lbs. During college I started using weight gain supplements trying to put on size, mostly buying whatever had the biggest 4 digit number printed on the from Mega Weight Gainer 4000 or whatever. So between that, EAS releasing the first creatine powder, over eating and two a day lifting schedule I started packin on weight, not the best quality weight but I really didn't know what I was doing diet wise. My goal in college was to get up to 200 lbs from my 174 lbs thinner body weight. Well from this point I just kept want to get bigger, I passed up 200 and eventually ballooned up a little past 250 in about 5 years through continued bad diet, weight gainers, and whatever new legal stuff that claimed to deliver steroid like results. Of course I was powerlifting and learning on the job and tried every type of workout there was. So spending all that time trying to get bigger, now I'm working hard trying to get smaller again, but fit and healthy. So that's my physical story...
Now we get to the meat and potatoes, my emotional and psychological story. When I was 4 I finally became a big brother, my brother Michael was my life long confidence booster. The shy kid had someone looking up to him, it felt good. We had each others backs, he was my closest person all through childhood and into young adulthood. He continued to be the one person in the world that made me feel like I could do whatever it was in the world I wanted to, scolded me if I was doing things that would work against my goals. Had dreams of being a professional boxer, we watched fights together, sparred, went to the boxing club together, he always made me feel like I had potential to be as good as I was willing to work hard to acheive. Eventually MMA started popping up around here in about 1996 and in 98 I switched to MMA training. A gym opened in my neighborhood and I lived there half the time training 6-7 days a week. My coach was team mates with Pat Miletich and we use to bounce back and forth between our gym in Clinton and Pat's in Bettendorf about 30 minutes down the river. I fought my first 8 man tourney 3 months later made it to the finals and lost a decision, but was runner up and quaified for nationals. My brother was there and bragged to everyone about how I would be a champion one day. That same summer about a month later I lost my brother to an auto accident. It crushed me, all of a sudden I was alone with nobody to boost my spirits, I depended on his confidence in me because I never really had it for myself. When he died a big part of me died as well. It was like if Pinnochio lost Jiminy cricket, who would be in my ear helping me believe in myself? I went on floating through life a shell of who I was before, the next 5-6 years were the darkest of my life.
In the spring of 2004 after many unsuccessful attempts with online dating I met the woman who would a year and a half later become Mrs Franzen. Life started looking up but there was always something missing, I still lacked in my confidence and in a way was still like a lost puppy dog.
It took a couple years and some ups and downs in life but in the spring of 2010 I finally became a dad, the greatest thing to ever happen to me, but also an eye opener. Where to find time for taking care of myself. I probably got into my unhealthiest state, emotionally I was getting better and learning that sometimes I need to find the confidence myself, I'm still the same guy that my brother believed in and he'll always be in my heart and now I have a lil man who has my brother's name as a middle name. My new lil guy needs to have a daddy worth looking up to and bragging to his friends, you know the saying “my dad can beat up your dad!” “naa-uuuh!” “Yes huh!” I want to be that dad all the kids know is the ALPHA DAD, TA-TA...TA_DAAAAA!
You know eventually I just came to a point, had an aha moment and thought I need to get my SSHHHI-stuff together and kick myself in the AAAS-BUTT! No more quick fixes, no more cutting corners. Health screenings for health insurance discounts was a catalyst, why did I feel dread whenever that time of year came around, I should be prepared anytime, at the drop of a hat. I should always be the picture of health! I had entered the Maxformation barely before the middle deadline thinking I can do this, I need this pressure, everyone else has a 3-4 month head start but I'm a different kind of animal. Well dead wrong, I was not mentally prepared and I still hadn't adjusted to fatherhood. I fizzled shortly after, leaving me feeling like a failure. Well after regrouping, adjustments to my lifestyle and responsibilities and a nudge of the scare of not passing my health screening I entered the Maxformation at the beginning brimming with a new drive and with new incentive to give it all I have, mind, body soul and with all the heart, blood, sweat and tears that can be twisted and wrung outta me. AHA MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!
There is a song from the late 90's by a group that was known as Destiny's Child, I know you've heard of them but this was when there were 4 members and before the group split up since everyone thought they'd do better as solo acts, Beyoncé did but I'm talking about a song from the foursome, it's title is “My Time Has Come” It starts off sounding like a person lacking confidence:
“It's too far, It's too fast, It's too quick, It won't last
It's not right, But it's not wrong, There's no time, Move along...”
a familiar theme for me in the late 90's, doubting myself before even trying, underestimating my own abilities. The song progresses:
“It's okay, Be afraid, It's alright, You just take that fear
Turn it in, To your strength, It's called life,And that's why we're here...”
Was this song written about me? Kind of makes me wonder. This final snippet beings tears to my eyes just listening to it, it describes what I'm feeling and believing right now, being in balance, coming back from the dark times, becoming a husband and father, my victory period I intend to never let go of:
“It's so close, It's been a long time comin, It's here right now,And I know it'll last
It's so right That it can't be wrong, Now's the time...For me to be strong
And I've come, Much too far, And I know what's in my heart
And I know what I feel, And this time I know it's real, My time has come
I know that I just gotta', Keep movin' on
I know what's in my heart, I can feel it, My time has come”
I believe all this with every shred of my being, not holding anything back, failure is not an option. In a way I'm still that skinny kid that had to puff out his chest and let the world know I have a heart bigger than yours, the size of the fight in this dog is beyond your imagination. I've been up and down, had my share of victories and felt lose at the deepest level imaginable but you know what? I'm bouncing back stronger than ever. To call this my victory period is putting it lightly, this isn't a period because that makes it sound like eventually it'll end. I'm here, right here right now to be a legacy, to be a standard that is compared to the greats. I'm hungry for a huge victory, I know how it feels to lose, I know how it feels to quit and not give it 110%. I won't ever feel that again because my time has come, now it's all up to me... |
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By Jon91 on February 21, 2012 9:19pm
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